Interlude One:

Conversations and Departures

Was written to fill in a rather important gap! Chapter one ends with a shell shocked Scooby gang, and a decidedly damaged Giles - who, at the start of Chapter Two is several hundred miles from Sunnydale, somewhere in the Nevada desert.

And there really had to be a reason for him to be there ...

It covers a number of other things, of course: dealing with the aftermath of tramatic experience is never easy, and I wanted to express the results of the kind of abuse I'd been writing about. It's no surprise to find that Giles is struggling to come to terms with what happened to him - and what he's become, even though he hasn't really understood what that means as yet. And I wanted that little speech from Buffy, encapsulating the reasons she thinks Giles would have been forced to leave her if this hadn't happened - an explanation to parallel the decisions he made in the series itself. (Which I don't entirely agree with, but can see the logic behind.) In this case, Buffy has been forced to become the tower of strength she needs to be, precisely because she realised he's in no state of mind (or body) to protect her from the world anymore. In fact, he's the one in need of support and protection - a role she now steps into with fierce determination.

Even if his confession shakes her to the soul ...

His real fear - the one he doesn't confess, or even dare admit to - is that he has been so badly damaged by events that he may endanger the people he loves. His reason for leaving - that he can 'feel' the hellmouth, is only a partial explanation. The truth is that he needs to run - and run he does, taking himself away to empty, deserted places, seeking respite from memory and looking for answers from older, wiser powers. It is a sign of Buffy's strength that she lets him go, even though she wants to keep him close, wants to be there to help him.

What she doesn't know is whether he'll be coming back.

Neither does he - despite his promise, despite wanting to; his fears run deep, for very good reason.

I intimated in Chapter One that Spike and Buffy had become entangled in a relationship; here we get the confirmation as she turns to him for comfort, uses him as she might use a drug, to dull the pain and banish her fears for a little while. This isn't I suspect, the desperate need and self loathing we saw in the series - Buffy has, after all, realised that she too has a hint of angel fire in her soul. But it's complicated, nonetheless. At this point in time, there are only four people who know that she'd been in heaven rather than hell - Spike, whom she told straight out, Iolaus, who knew instinctively, Hercules, because I'm sure Iolaus would have discussed it with him - and now Giles.

She's going to have to tell Willow and Xander some time. But until she does, Spike has become the confident of her heart. Because Hercules and Iolaus aren't around to help her deal with those issues on a daily basis - and Giles, of course, has just left to deal with some difficult issues of his own ..